Anne's Update and Musings - August 2024

The Ultimate Test

November will mark the milestone of the second year of this fantastic adventure into consciousness and self-discovery for me. And it has really been quite amazing. I wonder though, sometimes, if it would still be so great, if I was really faced with things that brought back vivid accounts of times that didn’t hold such good memories.  

The Ultimate Test to see if these life-changing things were really now sunk deep into my core. Well, I had that opportunity this month. My high school class of ’79 held its 45-year reunion! I could not have made up a better ultimate test than that.

High school years for me were challenging, to put it mildly. I was constantly comparing myself to everyone else and always feeling that I came up short. I had a lot of masks to hide the low self-esteem and the labels that I carried about myself. I was a master of judgment, for myself and others. But of course, it was not all gloom and doom. I had some wonderful times and wonderful friends. I discovered the worlds of life-time friendship love, romantic love and yes, sometimes even loving myself. But when it was time to attend a function or a party, my stomach would be in knots every time. I always felt I wasn’t good enough, didn’t fit in or didn’t belong. And because of those feelings, I would even sometimes decide at the last minute to not even attend.

So now, 45 years later, I had a nagging voice in my head when I thought about going to the reunion get togethers. Would all of those old feelings resurface? Would people even remember me? And would all of the comparisons come back with the same result of not really measuring up? Yes, this was my ultimate test.

So, as the day approached for the first gathering, I waited for the stomach cramps, the hours too long primping in the mirror and changing clothes dozens of times until I could settle on something. But instead of the stomach cramps, I had a sense of calm and peace. I was just excited to see everyone and have some genuine conversations with people, some I have known almost my entire life. And it was absolutely fabulous! Everyone I saw was so loving and kind. The genuine excitement of seeing great people, remembering the fun times and learning new things about everyone brought great feelings of joy.  

I didn’t have to wear any of those old masks. And I was able to just be comfortable and happy with who I am.  

As the weekend progressed and we attended other gatherings, I found out that I was not the only one who had some anxiety about the weekend. But I hope that everyone who had those feelings was embraced with friendship and love, like I was.   

So, the ultimate test was passed with flying colors. And that just continues to support, for me, that when you change who you are inside, the world around you changes to reflect that. Had I known that 45 years ago, I’m not sure it would have had the impact it has now. But either way, these are some of the best people I know in the world and I am so grateful to be part of such a loving group of fantastic people.  

Love and Light,

Anne  

AND look for my latest book coming soon:

Cleo’s Fabulous Adventures: The Realm of the Woods!

Should be available in about 3 weeks!